How to get unstuck

Say hello to my little friend

Well, I don’t fucking know is a good place to start. But what good would a blog be if I don’t use it to rattle some thoughts around.

Some of the most common thoughts I have centers around how to get out of what I see as bad habits. Lately I have been trying to change doom scrolling and wasting time online. But, it is not easy because, well, it is a habit. I am stuck in the same patterns. It is not that what I am doing is so terribly bad, it is more that I want to change but feel that I can’t. So why is that? Am I stupid? Or, maybe I am just lazy? Well, to the rescue - new research suggests that I am not lazy or stupid but that the brain confuses the feeling of learning with the feeling of change.

And I think this is a key to why it feels so frustrating, because I feel like I am doing something right but at the same time I have lost access to action. The research suggests that learning gives relief and reduces the discomfort of not acting.

I read once that you should never talk about what you plan to do because it fools the brain to give you a reward that is similar to actually doing the thing. A concept described as “premature sense of completion.” where the brain feels like something is already understood, or even identified, it starts to relax—as if part of the job is already done. You use new knowledge to replace the urgency of the situation and you end up screaming to your friends “I KNOW WHAT THE FUCK I SHOULD DO”. But, you don’t really do it. Still stuck, just with more insight into what you should do. And off course the discomfort increases even more. 

So, this avoidance I do I cover up by feeling super busy. Reading about quantum physics feels like a job done, planning the photobook in India, thinking about doing that special thing, hoping that something will let loose and in the meantime - how about three hours of youtube shorts. 

For me, washing the kitchen is not one task. It is 127 small ones. I think this is common in some neuro divergent people. So, for a long time I avoided some things like that and did it only when the sense of panic hit. But I don’t do that anymore. Now my kitchen is basically clean all the time. So what changed? Well, I did that big thing of rebuilding and painting my kitchen - and by that I brought down that barrier of 2789 planned tasks that I had built up for so long. This is where being stuck really defines itself. I never lacked discipline or knowledge, I just didn’t know how to get out of the loop I was caught in. What helped was action. Not what I had planned, not perfect results - just forcing change.

So the way out of this loop doesn’t start with doing more. It starts with stopping the automatic escape and start doing small things that replace the loop that I am in. First of all it starts with removing your thoughts to an outside view of the situation. A place where I look at my situation and ask myself, what am I doing right now that has brought me into this situation. Not to be judgmental, but to see it from a different angle. I believe that doing this can change my perspective so that I can break the loop with small new  actions. Did I draw instead of going on reddit, did I go for a walk instead of watching another youtube documentary, did I start writing a blog post about getting unstuck instead of doing what I normally do every day? Yes I did. And I will celebrate the fuck out of that because over time things will shift this way.

When I started swimming after 15 years of not being able to exercise I made a promise to myself that I would just show up. No goals. No “Summer body 2023” or letting my mind bitch about that I should be better or do more. I stopped in the mirror and said to myself, you showed up! And today the result of this is fantastic. Meaning off course that my summerbody for 2026 is just as insignificant. I sleep at night now because I am not in constant pain. How is that for success?

Change happens when you just start doing the small things that are outside of the loop you are already in. Or, that is what I am thinking as I write this. Over time, something subtle shifts. I will still feel stuck, but not completely. Not because I decided to be disciplined but because my habits and thought patterns are changing. Action then returns as a side effect, the research suggests. Real change happens when you let loose and start doing, like someone who has studied music for 20 years and suddenly get that feeling of flow in improvisation.

I will allow movement into my life. I will enjoy the things that I do. At some point I will then not do the things that I don’t want to do. 

That’s where it begins. Smell a flower, have some fun, do some exercise, make a meal - write a text like this with a subtle hope that a good friend also reads this and understands. We can do this together and we can have fun doing it :)